It seems like my son and I have so much trouble just talking to each other. I mean he doesn't understand me, and I don't understand him. It's so frustrating. I can't even express how frustrating it is sometimes. It's like we're from two different planets. And even when we're well-intended, we seem to miss each other's meaning.

We were talking yesterday, and suddenly he said, "What is it they say? A mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a riddle." I said, "Yes, you are." And he said, "No, I meant you!" It would be funny if it weren't so damned aggravating.

I don't know if it's a "schizophrenia" thing or a right-brain (him) versus left-brain (me) thing or what. I don't get how he can't get what I'm saying. And sometimes he seems to understand me perfectly. Other times he doesn't. I think he's always been this way, because I've noticed when I'm talking to him, I'll tend to say the same thing several times, using slightly different ways to explain myself - hoping it will sink in. I think he experiences that as too much words coming at him, because sometimes he'll get impatient and tell me he understands - I don't have to say it over and over. Other times, though, he doesn't seem to be taking in what I'm trying to say - which is why I've resorted to this repeating myself thing. Sometimes he tends not to interact in a way that cues me as to whether he's understanding me - or even listening to me sometimes.

He somes used words in idiosyncratic ways. Yesterday, for example, he was talking about a time when he was feeling paranoid. Then he cut off his discourse to say that he and I use the word "paranoid" to mean different things. He tried to explain his meaning of "paranoid." He said he meant he was angry during that period, but there was more to it than that. He never was able to articulate exactly what he meant. He just cut off his explanation, so I still don't know what he meant when he said he was "paranoid" then.

The fact that he felt the need to discuss his meaning of the word exemplifies the problem. If he tells me what his experience is, then I mention it to him later, he'll get frustrated and tell me that I didn't understand him. I'll say that I'm only saying what he said before. And he'll agree that that is what he said, but it isn't what he meant. Then I get frustrated, because how am I to know that what he says isn't what he means? He's gotten to the point where he doesn't want to try and explain his experiences to me, because he says I'll quote it back to him - or "use it against" him, in his words.

Anyway he's been having lots of anger issues lately. I really think we have the medication dose down to a level where we can work on some of the issues between us and within ourselves. He's not so sedated that he doesn't have access to the turmoil, but he's not so overwhelmed with negative emotions that he can't access the rational part of his mind. But if we're not speaking the same language, how can we resolve anything?