blondemom I am sure that the neglect you got from your mother is confusing your abiltiy to express love to your children. I think that part of you by being around children the age that you felt a need not met brings a reminder of personal doubt and sense of worth so probably unconsciously you had not learned how to express love comfortably with your children. It is important you get to the root of understanding why, hard to say but often we are what we know and it is very easy to continue a chain of emotional abandonment and not truely be aware of it. Give yourself credit for acknowledgeing you do want to connect but cannot seem to break from that pattern that you are continuing on an unconscious level.

Make sure you try to take time out to read to your children. You have to make tender moments happen and sitting close to them and reading, acting out the reading is one way to practice a closeness. I cannot say enough how that truely helped me develope special times with my daughter through story telling.

Keep trying,
Open Eyes