One of the few aspects of depression that I enjoy, is the fact that nothing can truly surprise me in a negative way. I can get to the point where I feel so low that any bad news is expected and becomes the norm. Anything better than bad news is a lift. No one can hurt me more than I do myself, my own pain makes me invincible to the pain others try to inflict on me.

Sadly, I still can be surprised. I guess I am still too naive and idealistic despite it all.
But you have a point. Maybe it is a coping mechanism. Cannot go much lower from there...........

of course i feel that way, that's what makes happiness so hard to swallow, its just not as raw or familiar as sadness. I believe in chemical imbalances, but i don't believe I have one. Sometimes sadness brings me peace in its authenticity. It is a relief to face my sadness and it feels even more rewarding when that sadness is accompanied with a feeling of acceptance. You are very insightful and I agree that misery can be rewarding in the same way happiness can be destructive.


Well, there are many more variations of feelings. Some impossible to express with words.
I think that there are times when it is perfectly okay to feel sad. Deeply sad even... and maybe anything else is inappropriate. I think we demonize the "bad" feelings too much these days. As much as they can be destructive, they are often signal something is wrong. Like physical pain...

But maybe it is what is it. Maybe it is just sadness.... or sadness from past existence. Scars on soul. Whatever. Sometimes it does happen seemingly for no reason.... but what do we know?

Venus, after reading through this I've gone through a bunch of different feelings about the thread as a whole. First I was angry, not VERY angry mind you but a bit hurt-angry, if that makes any sense. Then I thought about it for a second. I have been through some of this before, where people will say you've been depressed "use it!". Use the feelings to create artistic expression or whatever.

I can see how that can get annoying... but how does one deal with their feelings when they come? You can either explore them and see if there is any way out... but what if you are stuck in the Kafka's Castle? How does one survive the dark periods?

But to me, honestly it's not depression that creates any depth. Depression takes EVERYTHING away, at least for me. It takes AWAY creativity, it takes away the ability to think. I can't see anything positive that comes from depression specifically.

For me... I can still be creative often. I am not saying it is a healthy place, as I said, I become hyperfocused and it is pretty weird... but at the same time there is something about it.

My question to you is, what brought you to post this? Do you feel connected to your depression? If so does this connection confuse you, or are you looking to see what others think about it, or if anyone else has felt this way? Does feeling that depression can be positive in some way make you feel better about having to deal with it?

I guess I wanted to create debate and see other's point of view... I guess that happened.
And as for connection... yeah, I guess. It is pretty much felt like this my whole life.
And I guess that seeking light in the darkness makes life more livable. And seeing that I am actually doing some living, maybe... I am doing it right? What would it happen to hate what might as well be part of myself? I cannot change how I feel. I can chose an attitude however.

In a weird way you're almost fighting depression with "well if I'm stuck with it I'm going to make the best of it" and that's good. For what it's worth I've felt connected to it too sometimes. I DO NOT like this, but it has made me who I am for better or for worse.

I guess. Or I simply accept that... "this is it" and I gotta deal with it...



Sophie... I see your point, but I sometimes feel I have to be tough on myself. I don't overdo it. I love the person I am.