I used to have great rows with my Dad about things in retrospect that shouldn't have caused a problem at all. He would express concern for my well being, I would see that as him judging me, and trying to control me. I remember one day when I had bad back ache I went to do the dishes and saw that my Dad had already done them. I was really grateful, because I was feeling so rough, and thanked him. The next day I went to do them again, and he'd finished them again... this time I screamed and yelled at him for trying to show me up. Even as I was screaming I knew something was wrong, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what I was so angry about. To this day I haven't got a clue. It must have been very hard for my Dad trying to guess how I was going to react from one day to the next. Some days I would be full of energy and working well towards a clearly defined goal, the next day I'd be sitting looking out the window and not talking to anyone. Quite how my family didn't realise I was mentally ill is a mystery, but I do know that I made a lot of people very uncomfortable at this time, and miserable, not least myself.

I'm afraid I can't begin to describe exactly how I was feeling or thinking at the time, it pains me still to look back on it. Even when my moods weren't all over the place I was still suspicious of people's motives... and this does make you angry, particularly when the people you're suspicious of are the ones you love the most. When I was living away from my family things were swept out of sight... we'd have the painful telephone conversations followed by months of silence, then manage to put a face on it for a while as though everything was okay. It is still something I have to work on... hyper suspiciousness of my family's thoughts and motives concerning me is something that's deeply imbedded in me. I wish I knew why, they didn't do anything to harm me. But now that I recognise this is part of my condition I can fight it better.

It's very hard to confess to distrust of one's parent, when you love that parent. I didn't want to hurt my Dad's feelings by telling him the truth, but then because I was keeping a whopping big secret I was sure that he was also keeping a whopping big secret. Your son says that he sees you as an enigma etc... that's how I felt about others too. I didn't know what was going on behind their faces, and it scared me that they might not be who they seemed. Yes, they treated me with love... but why? What was behind that? I felt sure there were secret reasons to everything, and found it impossible to take anything at face value.

Perhaps this is part of what your son is going through.