Probably. Your experiences with your dad sound exactly like those I have with my son. He has certainly told me straight up that I'm too critical and controlling. And I can see how he gets there. When you're young, your parents do control you, and they correct you all the time. Then when you have trouble in early adulthood and your parents come to your rescue, it's easy to fall back into that role of being parent and child - even though you're both adults.

I've fallen in love with a psychiatrist named Silvano Arieti. I happened to pick up a book by him on the last day of the local library book sale - when they're giving all the remaining books away for free. The book is called The Interpretation of Schizophrenia (1974), and it assumes more of a psychological basis of sz than modern books do. I liked the book so much I ordered his little guide to schizophrenia for family and friends. At the time he was writing, people would often spend a long time in the hospital. So when they were released the question of where they were going to live was a biggie. He discusses in some detail the difference between those being released back to their parents' home as opposed to those going back to live with their spouse. The risk is that the patient will fall back into the role of child when living with parents.

Even as I'm typing this out, I feel like I'm gaining insights into my son's predicament. A week ago or so, we happened to be driving past the homeless shelter. He pointed at it and said to me, "That's where I'd be if it weren't for you." Then last Saturday he was accusing me of being deliberately mean to him. From my point of view, it's so confusing. One day I'm a hero; the next, a total jerk.

But how scary it must be from his point of view! To feel dependent on your mother at the age of 26. And I know he doesn't trust himself anymore. He's scared to get a car and a job, because he hasn't had a lot of success in recent years. He's scared he's going to blow it. No wonder he's so pissed off.

I just wish he wouldn't take it out on me. It's tiring to feel like I have to hold it together all the time. Then sometimes when he goes on the attack, I just don't think I have the strength to bear up.