First off a little background: My boyfreind and I have been together for nearly three years. He cheated on me with his ex girlfreind in the beginning, so we broke up for a year and a half, then tried again to see if it would work this time. He has not cheated on me since his ex, but he has lied to me about other things that make me wonder if he's really trustworthy or if i'm just fooling myself.
One big thing for me: I do not approve of porn in my relationships. I have tried allowing it in previous relationships, and all it has ever done was make me feel like a sex object to my man and extremely insecure about myself. My boyfriend knew this from the beginning, and I have caught him looking at porn multiple times, even after he swore he wasn't doing it anymore. Based on this, I dont know if I can believe him when he says he hasn't looked at anything like that.
Another thing: When my bf and i got back together after that year and a half, I found out he was flirting with other girls behind my back, online. It stopped after a couple of weeks into our relationship, but my insecurities haven't gone away. I'm always afraid he might still be finding something or someone else to 'enjoy,' for lack of a better word.
Now I haven't caught him with porn in nearly four months and I haven't found out about any flirtatious stuff with other girls in a long time, but this doesn't rid me of my insecurities. No matter what I do, I'm always afraid that he's doing something behind my back. I'm always afraid that I will never be good enough for him. He says he's stopped with the porn and stopped flirting with girls because he loves me and only me and wants to make things work with us, but how can I know for sure he's being honest? After all of the times he lied to me, I dont know if I can believe him anymore. I want to, but I'm so afraid that once again, i'll find out something else....
I cant help my insecurities, so what should I do? Should I find a way to work through them or am I beating a dead horse in thinking this relationship could actually work someday?