I understand, but really you can't save him. If this is the way he behaves with his wife and children then I dare say it's only a matter of time before he behaves this way with you too unless he is activly seeking help on his own.

The way he is treating you now fall under somewhat emotional abuse. Keeping you on the line, appearing, disappearing.

I really think you need to give yourself a break from him for a while and just work on you, without guilt. Because as sad as it is to say he doesn't sound like he is putting you first by any means. Work on yourself, your self esteem, self love, set some guidelines of what you want in a relationship, qualities you are looking for or need. And then stick to them.

I know it's hard but you really have to ask yourself if you indeed want all this mess. And if you choose to stick it out, do so under the assumption that things very well may not change.