Dubz, you have nothing to forgive yourself for! None of us is perfect. We were made that way!

The only thing I can suggest right now is that when you start doing this, instead of going with it, you tell yourself "that's okay! It's not as bad as I make it out to be."

Another thing to do is make a list of the good things you ARE. It's called the "I AMs". Only POSSITIVE things go on that list. "I AM nice... I AM caring... I AM funny..." etc. No "ifs, ands or buts" allowed. Write it down even if you don't fully believe it. The more you say it to yourself, the more you will accept that you are whatever good thing you've written down.

Most of all, talk to your T about it.

You are loved!