Thank you, I am terrible when under pressure to explain myself.

I actually am online because he's online all the time. 16+ hours a day watching streams, playing online, chatting on skype with his friends. He has a much bigger connection with his online friends than me, now. When he talks to them he's always smiling and laughing. Any time he leaves his office I'm instantly focused on him because I'm alone all day. At work all day with people who just don't get me and I have to act fake happy or I get in trouble. Then home to sit all alone with my five year old until sleep time. I love my son, but I miss having an adult around who wants to talk about what I'm interested in.

Like all Sunday I am trying to get him to watch The Office with me, because it is a big favorite of ours. But all day he's not in the mood, wants to watch streams and talk on skype. He's not mean or anything. He's just not there. So I sit and look at failblog or kitty pictures or try to read the news or watch marathon of shows on netflix or play a game. But I'm lonely. I don't mind being alone. It's just been so long now with everyday this way....

I think he doesn't like it because I often don't know what to do. When there is pressure I freeze up. Or like I don't know what to eat, or i know exactly what I want to eat but it isn't dinner or realistic (like a bowl of cheese and bread, can't make that for dinner... or just popcon, or a specific dish from a restaurant when we have no money). He gets upset because he says "What do you want for dinner," and I don't know or it's something annoying. Or like I make bread and I take what I want and then he wants seconds and I give it to him and he says "Don't you want some" and I get confused. Like last night I gave him the last three pieces of bread he says, "Don't you want some?" And I said, "Don't you want it." And he got mad and was like "Take it if you want it, don't give it to me." And I said, "I don't want it that's why I gave it to you, but if you don't want it I'll take it." It just confuses me!

Sorry. Thank you all for listening. Can you tell I don't have anyone to talk to? :P