Passionskyy...

Im sorry your having such a tough time... I can relate
Personally for me Antidepressants toss me right into mania .. and i see alot of others that deal with same type issues ,, Post here as often as you need and you can PM me anytime .
Be kind to yourself !!! Take a nice long soak in the tub or a a leisure shower .. polish your nails , give yourself a pedicure or better yet go have the naiks and toes done .. Im feeling a mess myself so i cutm y hair last nite and polished my toes and nails ,, the little things did help me feel better.

Good luck !