I had to tell him that I can't date him because I haven't yet healed from a broken heart and that I still think of my exbf. I had to explain to him that I am too vulnerable right now and I can't just fall into his arms because it's the holidays, I am lonely and I'm hurting still. If I was ready to be in a relationship there are things about his lifestyle that doesn't fit my life. I feel so bad because he's a wonderful friend and I had to look into his eyes and basically tell him that Sorry but how you're living your life isn't good enough for me and the future that I want. I feel so shallow.

With the help from my therapist I recognize the patterns when it comes to relationship and too often I date men that I know are not right for me but because they say they will love me regardless and look pass my flaws I suddenly forget all the reasons why I know they are wrong for me. This friend of mine is actually the first guy I'm using my own discipline to not fall back into my weakness and fight off my lack of self worth and to do things differently. In the meantime I feel bad for turning him down.