Terry, my neighbors electric containment system that was underground to contain thier dog broke and instead of replacing it they just fiddled with it and then let the dog out and the dog came onto my property and chased around my horse and ponies late at night while I slept. The dog didn't bark so I was not aware of how bad it was and this went on for almost three months on Sunday and Monday nights. I would feed them at night and everyone was fine and in the morning I would find someone sick or hurt. Then my husband and I saw the whole thing, the dog running laps around them and the next morning just about all of them were lame and injured, some permanently, 4 had choked and wouldn't eat and I ended up losing my favorite lesson, pet pony as she never recovered from choking, I worked on trying to save her for almost two months. When I lost that fight ( I had her hooked up to IVs etc) I just broke. I am left with crippled animals and about $30k in charges for vet bills and it ruined my business. Years of hard work building a business, ruined. Ruined by negligence, the neighbor knew their fence wasnt working.

I lost so much, everywhere I looked and I basically went into shock, it was just too much. I didn't understand it then but now that I know more about PTSD I went through all the stages and just couldn't afford therapy.

Apparently all this loss created PTSD from the loss itself and that also brought in the past somehow. It was like some invisible flood gate opened. It has been extremely difficult for me to understand. But I have really bad PTSD and I have sued my neighbor but this whole experience has proven extremely difficult and has made the PTSD worse.
I am not suing for medical because that would allow my neighbors to know about my CSA and they have no business knowing that. Their negligence should not give them permission to trespass on me any further. And I have a lawyer who is now old and very forgetful and is messing up and I can't find another attorney that will take the case because they all know my attorney.

Oh there is so much going on all at once that with the PTSD I am really struggling. I need to pursue the case because the cost of damage and the value of animals destroyed is great, plus the loss of business. It just wiped me out in more ways than I could have ever imagined.

I have been struggling so much that I tried to ask my parents for some financial help, as it is I should be getting more therapy than I am getting. But my sister just called me and pretty much told me that she is in control now and not to bother my parents with my issues. That in itself triggers all the way back when I didn't talk because I was afraid of upsetting the family. So basically my family doesn't truely understand how much this acute case of PTSD is crippling me. The only one that really sees it is my therapist. It is just a mess everywhere I look, every single part of my life has been torn apart. And I havent a any real rest in over four years, I am literally trapped in this event in every place in my life.

I am so crippled by this PTSD that often I struggle just to function. I am trying very hard, but no one understands how truel crippling it is. I have always been a strong person, but this mess is too much. And all this damage just blew may family apart, it is such a mess.

Tonite I am trying to stay awake because one of the ponies that was damaged is sick. Her digestive track has never been the same and I kept her stable for many months and I don't know what is bothering her now. I had to have the vet come out and I can't even pay her. What next?

That is the short version.

Open Eyes