I don't want to total up the therapists I've had over the years, but as of this morning it's one more. Yep, 9am, & I'm not a morning person.

A couple months ago, about the time I came here, I was going thru a very hard time. I had a regular mtg with my T on Tues at 3pm. I went at my regular time. T wasn't there. Neither was his car.

Okay. But T's sign wasn't there.

My therapist had moved. He hadnt told me. Yes, there was a small note on his former door saying where he had moved to, but he hadn't told me! I went home & waited for him to realize his mistake & call me.

I'm still waiting.

This morning I met with my new T. Here's my problem.

I make a really good first impression. I seem pretty okay, even presenting myself as mentally impaired. Functioning well. The thing is, I'm smart. I also have a PhD degree in Theatre. I'm a pretty adequate actress playing the part of a mostly mentally healthy person.

I can't help myself. "I clean up good," as my granddad used to say.

But I want this new T to see thru that. I've been processing this all day, & I'm worried that I've got him fooled. I don't know how to tell him what's wrong. Plenty is, but it's going to take forever for him to see thru the pretense & pull away the mask & we can get down to work.

I'm sick to death of new Ts.