I can certainly relate. I really struggle with anxiety. i am confused by your statement that you tried the meds ten years ago and it made you have no anxiety. which made you quit your job with no back up plan. are you saying you need the anxiety to function? That would make sense too as a certain level of anxiety helps with the need to control, but the level your describing is certainly impairing your level of functioning, or could if you cant keep the panic attacks at bay. perhaps a mild antianxiety that just takes the edge off would work? buspar is good, and nonaddicting. my pdoc has me on clonodine which is a blood pressure med, just takes the edge off, but isnt an antianxiety. I would definately talk to a doc about your options.