Hi Dubz,

It looks like a lot of us struggle with this.I agree with all the good advice our friends have given you, and I'll add one more.

I am working with my T on this very issue and we are trying something called schema therapy. It's a form of CBT. The mistakes you made aren't really the problem. it's your interpretation of and reaction to the mistakes that has you stuck in a bad place. The coping strategies you learned in childhood are deeply ingrained. They become part of your belief system and affect more than one area of your life. Instead of trying to erase the memories of mistakes that left you feeling bad about yourself, you need to add new experiences in which you react in a more healthy way. Over time you have enough positive experiences in your memory bank to balance the negative ones,and you can resist the automatic disfunctional reaction.

T gave me a homework assignment: write a "cheat sheet" that I can read whenever I make a mistake or feel I'm being criticized. Maybe writing a similar one that is specific to your schema will help you. Here's mine:

When I make a mistake, or think that I’ve said the wrong thing, my initial reaction to think I am incompetent, and I feel like a worthless failure, a loser. I feel ashamed and inferior. I react this way because I was harshly criticized and rejected as a child. My experience was that no matter what I did, it would not be good enough for my parents. No matter what I said, I would not be accepted by my peers. I developed escapist coping strategies, which over time became a schema of thoughts and behaviors and beliefs about myself. I can change that by changing my reaction. I will calm down and look at the situation rationally. Every one makes mistakes now and then I don’t make any more than most people do. I will ask for help when I need it. I will act more like an authority figure than a friend at work. In truth I am a competent, intelligent person. I am worthy of respect.

If you don't have a therapist, get the book:

Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey E Young and Janet S Klosko

edited to add book title