I've noticed something with my t that really hurts my feelings. We've worked together for a long time (years). She's very kind and a great therapist. I have attachment problems, so some of our work focuses on resolving that. She is normally friendly and what i would consider caring and even somewhat nurturing toward me. But what i've noticed is that on the rare occasions when i get up the courage to express how i feel about her, she seems to turn ultra clinical and reserved.

For example, last week I gave her something I'd written that said i loved her. Her reply was that my feelings "are normal when somebody has been nice to you, and you've spent alot of time together." Now, I'm not faulting her reply. I felt alot of trepidation at telling her, as I was ridiculed alot growing up for sharing my feelings, so what she said helped "normalize" them. But her reply still left me feeling let down. I realilzed later that since I had gotten up the courage to risk telling her my personal feelings, i was hoping for a personal response.

Obviously, i didn't expect her to say she loved me too. But I hoped she would say she appreciated knowing how i felt, or she valued my feelings, or that she cared about me in return. But she said nothing like that. It was very hard for me to say i loved her, and I guess I hoped that it would move her. But as she read it, I couldn't see anything change in her expression or in her voice to indicate that I'd said anything other than just a bunch of words.

So. . .the following day, i started feeling foolish and ashamed, wondering if I'd made a mistake by telling her how i felt, since it didn't seem to affect her any more than if I'd told her i ate a hot dog for lunch. Feeling insecure, i emailed and told her that I was afraid I'd made a fool of myself by telling her i loved her, and that she'd probably want to run away from me now.

I was also feeling the urge to cancel my session in anticipation of her upcoming trip, because separations are super hard for me with my attachment problems. So i told her I was thinking of canceling because it would be too hard to say goodbye. It said,

Peaches,
You know that whether you come here tomorrow or not It is always your choice. You can choose to leave her and not say goodbye. If you feel like you have already made a fool out of yourself, that lies within you as it is not my experience. If you prefer not seeing me tomorrow and there is a good therapeutic reason, let me know.
R

Her reply sounded so cold and clinical to me, and i didn't understand why she would act this way since i had just told her how i felt about her last week. So i emailed back, pointing out that her reply sounded odd and devoid of feeling, and was she mad at me? She replied that she was just very busy, on call and that her tone didn't have anything to do with me.

Am i wrong to feel badly? Am I making a big deal out of nothing, because sometimes I do that. I just feel. . .let down, exposed, and like my feelings don't make a dent on my t at all.