I was awakened this morning by a memory from age 15. Compared to other things, it seems so petty. It wasn't abuse, merely invalidation. Yet the memory of it doggone *woke me up.*

Step-father's boss and his wife had us all over for dinner. That was step-father, my mother, the four of us ranging from my 15 to my sister's 11, and the two of them. Boss's wife prepared the meal and served buffet style, where we all got a plate and served ourselves from the dishes placed on the counter top. I very innocently reached for a stuffed bell pepper, with no reason to think I shouldn't. Since apparently there weren't enough of them for every individual, my mother told me to put it back and leave them for the adults. Because, you know, at 15 she still considered me a little girl just barely out of diapers.

After I left the room, as my mother later made me aware, the hostess actually cried. "That little girl wanted a pepper, and I didn't make enough."

Questions:

1. My fault she cried? My mother blamed me.

2. Why do these random things pop into my head at odd times?

3. I don't know if the hostess actually said "little girl," or my mother injected her own terminology when quoting her. IMO it's just more invalidation. Does anyone here consider a teenager a "little boy" or a "little girl" as my mother does? I've been told it's part of a narcissistic parenting style, and she'll also refer to someone in their twenties as "a kid."