Hi everyone,

I used to struggle with suicidal ideation and self-harm ideation. I would spend lots of time daydreaming about it. Someone has posted on this site before about maladaptive daydreaming - is the title proposed by Eli Sómer, Ph.D., for an alleged condition in which an individual daydreams or fantasizes, sometimes as a psychological response to prior trauma or abuse.

So when I finally decided (about six months ago) that suicide was NOT an option, I haven't really been thinking about it. Likewise with self-harm. I haven't been in the hospital in over six months, which is fantastic for me...like a miracle. But I replaced the old daydreaming with new daydreaming.

I won't go into details due to the embarrasment, but it's basically of me in a different fantasy world. It is something I really enjoy thinking about, and it does take me away from that negativity. I know many would consider it a waste of time, a negative coping mechanism, but it HELPED ME. But the past week or so, I can't get my mind to go there. My mind refuses to daydream like it used to, and I'm stuck in the present.

I have been going through a mild depression for the past few weeks, and the daydreaming/fantasizing really helped me feel better. Now that I can't really do it...my mind keeps coming to negative thoughts.

I mainly do my daydreaming while listening to music, rocking on the couch. Before I would pay more attention to the fantasy than the music...now I can focus on the music and focus on any negativity in the songs. I do have a bad habit of listening to sad music when I'm depressed.

I am losing my grip on my best distraction from suicidal and self-harm thinking. I'm scared of these thoughts overcoming me like before...I don't want to go into the hospital for the 10th time. What can I do?

P.S I am on medication and in therapy. My meds are supposed to be gradually increased, but my next appointment with my pdoc is January 11th.