Hi, I am so sorry you are feeling this way and you should have to continue,please see a therapist to work out your worries and find ways to cope. Seeing a therapist doesn't mean you are weak, it means you are taking care of yourself to try to have a better life. I didn't have the abuse you did, but have been depressed for as long as I remember, but my pride stopped me from getting help, I finally crashed and couldn't work and was just a mess, when my Dr suggested a Psychiatrist finally I was so relieved I could have kissed him! I didn't want to admit it out loud, but if someone else could see my "imaginary" problem. then maybe it was real and I could get the help I so desperately needed. Can't say all my problems are solved but some meds and talking about things I would never talk about was freeing somehow and took a burden off my shoulders, think I will stick with it for awhile. good luck to you and please get help, you don't deserve to feel this way.