Peaches,
I too can soooo relate to your post. I recall once receiving virtually the exact same response as the one you received from your T. Almost word for word, in fact. They must have a manual or something.

What this type of "clinical response" amounts to for me, however, is a waste of love or care on my part. Like I'm putting out all this energy and getting stonewalled and it really hurts. I feel like it should be spent on someone who cares that I love him/her and, ideally, returns the affection. But when I expressed just that to my former T (i.e., "I feel like caring so much for you is a waste because it seems like it's all the same to you."), she responded by jerking her neck back and saying, "Whoa...that is not true." I was so relieved and touched to get that reaction because I had tried so many different ways of getting past the textbook, automaton responses to how she really felt (if anything at all).

My former T was physically affectionate, however, whenever I needed that...perhaps that is why she thought I should've assumed that my feelings for her meant something.

That said, I think we clients are just not granted access behind those walls our T's put up. I had a very hard time adjusting to the psychotherapeutic relationship because that dynamic was so foreign to me at the time and I still believe that intense, interpersonal (and yet...not personal) psychotherapy is not for me, so I'm not going in that direction with my new T. But I do feel your pain.