After going over this in my head since early October, I decided that yes, it would be good for me to go to school and eventually get a job and get off disability. I am a single mom, and I also think my son starting daycare will be good for him to be around other kids and not constantly around my mental health issues. It's tough for me and was a hard choice but I think it will benefit us both greatly.. So I went in for mature student testing at a local private college for a massage therapy program. I received my letter of acceptance today. So, starting in April(my son will be turning 3 in March), I will be starting school.
I discovered after a brief job a couple weeks ago that working gives me so much more structure in my day and makes it easier to cope with life in general. So I am not too worried about that change.. But I am scared that the same thing that always happens will occur again.. Me deciding "I HATE THIS" and wanting to stop. I won't be able to and quite frankly, I don't want to. It's just that once I start something and it starts to get tough, I always stop right away.
How can I push myself to stick it out? I think being medicated will make a huge difference, and hopefully the meds are all sorted out by then. Also just looking at how I live now(can't afford groceries, in debt, can't pay my bills on time) is motivation as well.. It is the step that will change my life so greatly that I am afraid of I guess. I don't want to stop though. I want to succeed and be proud of myself and have a career and a routine in my days. So I just need to learn how to stick things out...
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