Im glad you made it back and able to see Step 1..."WE ADMITTED"....WE move on to Step 2 "HOPE"....because we see or I see that I couldnt handle this anymore. Life is hard enough for me to start using those old ways that... very frankly use to work for me. Today I know from experience that it feels better clean and sober than to slip back into my old ways...As you said a coping mechanism....Congrats.... you made it back friend. Very few come back...Give yourself credit...The path is what counts...Their will be bumps along the way but seems like you have a sponsor a home group....Your in the process of recovery....Be Well One Day At A Time....and welcome to Leo...Peter