I am crying which is stupid. I was looking at a job website and I felt nervous. I wish I had a job. When I think of my boyfriend having a job. It makes me worse. I want to earn money. Could I work from home and online? I hate feeling like I won't EVER get a job. Even on the course which I do in January, I have to get a work placement and I doubt I'll ever get one. But she did tell me she will help me. Even the words... work or job triggers bad feelings for me. I'm crying right now. I am stupid and I am pathetic. I kinda worry every day because I'm worried my mum might shout at me but I do the washing up to make her happy. I am unemployed. I'm such a loser! I wouldn't dare to do something stupid. But... suicidal thoughts keep coming into my mind. Everyone else has a job. Not me. I wish this nightmare ended. A minute ago, I had a thought of overdosing on my medication which I have left. I like the feeling of this. I'm not so serious with doing something stupid but I just get thoughts. I wish someone could just take away this jealously, worrying pain. I'm sorry to be a pain but I am just want to vent. I'm so stupid. How can I get a work placement when I have no skills or some qualifications? I hope the woman can help me. Thanks for reading. I'm sorry to be a burden.