I realized today....ok I've known for a while but I'm admitting today, I've forgotten how to have fun. I've spent a great deal of my life building a wall that separates me from the world. I feel the need to appear strong and perfect no matter the situation. I'm very reserved and introverted. Lately I've had trouble having fun. I think it sort of got connected that having fun means I have to take down my wall, let go of control and at that point my whole life would fall apart.

That wall is my self protection and I have no idea how to work with it. I can smile my way through things and laugh but it's always held back to a safe and controlled level

How do I have fun again?