your post shows a lot of personal insight. a therapist would definately help sort that out for you. you have shown amazing strength to cope thru out your life. you have done much to prove your parents wrong.

you can check and see what is available at the college you go to. there is usually free counseling available to students.

most communities have state run counseling clinics that operate on reduced fees that you can check into.

is there a family resource center in your area? they will typically know of providers in your area that offer pro bono or reduced fee services as well.

think about looking into AA as a start. drugs and alcohol will only deepen the depression.

Welcome to PC. keep posting and check out the chat rooms when you need to talk.