I'm sorry for what you've been through. I'm not sure what you mean by "lied" and am concerned by your last sentence, about needing a break from life.

I can empathize about not having a best friend to talk to. Maybe you don't have a best friend to talk to, but is there someone you have been working with? A counselor or therapist?

I don't know if it helps to know that you are not alone in having trouble trusting others or with stable relationships.