Peaches

You are not overreacting at all. Your T's response DOES seem rather cold and clinical. I am by no means suggesting that your T is cold or that she does not care deeply about you-- merely that her response (which is likely the result of her training) seems ill-suited for the situation. However, as others have suggested, her response is fairly typical. So many Ts resort to "by the book" clinical responses when their clients say they love or care for them. I think this rather cool approach is meant to dissuade the client from misinterpreting a caring response as evidence that they have more than a professional relationship with T (i.e. dissuade romantic feelings, obsessive feelings, thinking of T as a "friend," etc). However, for someone to say "I love you" and not hear something supportive-- or at least acknowledging-- back is quite unnatural and cold. Yes, of course, you can pay attention to how your Ts response has made you feel and learn from those feelings. You can also learn that being hit by a bat hurts and, next time, you should duck before the bat hits you (or, better yet, get the heck away from the person holding the bat). Just because you can learn from something doesn't mean that you should have to. This is, of course, my opinion and others may disagree. However, I strongly believe that the "cold and clinical" approach to therapy does not work well for most people, particularly for those who did not experience secure attachments growing up. Learning that it is SAFE to trust T and to share your feelings with T is crucial. often, therapy is the place where clients "test" what feels safe-- if it does not feel safe in therapy, it certainly isn't going to feel safe in RL. So, if a T ignores or rejects a client's expression of how they feel, what message is that sending the client? I think that a T should really use their "human" judgment in responding to these situations, rather than act like robots reading from a therapy manual. For instance, it may not be true or appropriate for a T to say "I love you, too" back to the client. However, I think it would be highly appropriate for a T to say "Thank-you for sharing your feelings. I think it's great that you can be honest and expressive with me. I care for you, too, and enjoy working with you. I think we have a strong T-client relationship." I think it's actually crucial that a T acknowledge and accept a client's loving feelings towards them-- otherwise the T is merely adding to the shame, rejection, and isolation that many clients have experienced their whole lives (thus, why they are in therapy). If a T simply shows a little acceptance, compassion and caring, clients who have been hurt a lot throughout their lives may just learn to open up, trust, and become better able to build meaningful relationships in RL.

As for my own experience with my T, I would say she falls somewhere in between your T's response, Peaches, and what I have described as an "ideal" response. Awhile back, I told my T that my dad was questioning the therapy process and my relationship with my T. He said, half-jokingly, "maybe your T just acts like she likes you." I told my T that my dad's comment hurt my feelings because it invalidates my relationship with her. Then, I told her that loved her, I think we have a great T-client relationship, and I'm very appreciative of everything she's done for me in therapy. In response, my T began talking about my relationship with my dad, without ever addressing my relationship with her. That left me a little bit hurt and unsure of how my T felt about me and about what I said. So, the next session, I gave her a note telling her how I felt, and asking her if we could talk about it. She immediately said she didn't refute my dad's comment that "maybe T just acts like she likes you" because she thought it was obvious to me that she DOES like me; she didn't think she had to reassure me. Then, she said she "loves working with me" and thinks she and I are a "really good fit." I was glad to hear her say those things, but a part of me still wishes she would have said them without my prompting her-- and a part of me still wishes she had said "I care about you." I wanted her to acknowledge that, within our professional relationship, there is still an element of human caring. I wanted her to acknowledge that she feels something too (maybe not love, but some form of caring or affection). I know that may be asking a lot but, if I'm being honest, that's what I wanted to hear. I think if I went back and told my T this she would say "I thought that was implicit in what I said." But, you know what? It's not. I think Ts do feel things like caring, but sometimes, clients need to actually hear them SAY it. For those of us who didn't get to hear things like "I care about you" from our parents or caregivers growing up, we're sort of starved for that kind of acknowledgment and affection. A few simple words from T could go a long way towards healing that pain. It would also give us more confidence to take back to our RL relationships.