Hi Kattic, welcome to Psych Central!
----- Flight of fancy alert -----
I'm not a mental health professional and I obviously don't know your husband, so this is only a flight of fancy. Still, here's what I'm picturing:
Suppose that for most of his life, he has it figured out that if only he can manage to keep doing A, B, and C, everything will somehow work out for him. Something like this:
Quote:
|
The man who makes an appearance in the business world, the man who creates personal interest, is the man who gets ahead. Be liked and you will never want.
|
-- Willy Loman, protagonist of
Death of a Salesman
Suppose, further, that at some point he decides his "formula" doesn't seem to be getting him where he hoped it would. He becomes aware of more and more things he's wanted to be, or do, or have, that he probably won't get to be or do or have. I can picture about four options that he'd have at that point, though of course this might not be exactly how they'd look to him:
1. Keep plugging along doing what he's been doing and hope that he'll eventually get a different result that he likes better.
2. Blame himself for whatever doesn't seem to be working in his life and perhaps get depressed about it.
3. Blame others for whatever doesn't seem to be working in his life, show them the error of their ways, and get even.
4. Notice and accept whatever has happened (including what he had to do with it); focus on what he could do, starting from where he is right now; find what he'll be satisfied doing; and do that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kattic
It is as though he takes pleasure in creating drama and seeing us all hurt and upset, as if he wants to punish us.
|
It sounds as if your husband might have found himself in some such situation and chosen #3 above.
----- Thank you for flying with us -----
Quote:
|
My stepkids and my own son are as puzzled as I am.... He refuses to even discuss consulting a mental health professional.... and says his days of sitting in a therapist's office are over.
|
Quote:
The kids have also asked him why he seems so angry without provocation.
...
Our adult children have mixed feelings about spending time w/ us b/c they so often get accosted about some task he felt they should have performed that he did himself - without asking for assistance - and then berates everyone for later - and pouts about.
|
It sounds as though if any one of you were to take this up with him individually, he'd tell you it was
your problem. I don't know much about
interventions, the kind where (typically) an alcohol or drug abuser is confronted by a group of family, friends and treatment team who make him an offer he can't refuse. Do you suppose something along those lines could help persuade your husband to seek proper evaluation and treatment? Can you think of anyone you could ask?