I believe being there for a partner means being there on one's partner's terms, not one's own. It is nice he wants to help but his idea of the help you need is not yours and it is your life to live.

I observed something in my husband, 15-20 years ago (we have been married 22), I did not understand; he never volunteered to help anyone but would gladly do so. I did not think much of it, realized that I could volunteer him myself when I saw a friend's or relatives need but eventually got around to discussing it.

His point of view is that it is condescending to decide another person needs your help! If I need help and want you to help me, I can ask you to help me. I am in charge of my life. Assuming that someone else wants you or needs help (just because you feel you would need help in a situation does not mean another person feels that way!) is pretty much boundary crossing. Two year olds get it right when they start saying "No!" when they are doing something and want to try doing it without another person's help!

My husband's "condescending" point-of-view was an eye-opener for me and I am much more sensitive now to saying, "Would you like me to help you?" rather than just jumping in with, "Let me help you!". However, I am still not so good with listening instead of offering verbal help, letting people know my point-of-view and how I would do things if I were in their shoes That too is a boundary crossing of sorts, does not let the person think through things on their own and come to their own best solutions for themselves but adds more for them to process when they are often confused to begin with. If a person is important to another, it creates a conflict such as you have, where you would like to please the other but it may conflict with your own best interest as you see it.

You don't need that; tell him to back off, you'll ask for his help when you want it! His thinking you need his help is not helping him understand himself or others and how best to serve. It's an unconscious ego trip that can harm his own character (if he gets in the habit of it) and is not helping you.