Been there and done that a lot. Please go see your doc and get back on meds. Don't look at yourself as being "sick", I do that to myself all the time and it gets me into really bad negative talk. Say, "I'm doing this for me and those that I love, this is what I need to be the person that I want to be and so be it". If your future husband is anything like mine, he will be supportive of you and your decisions. Good luck, you are in my prayers.