You're catching on fine.

Maybe you're right about the "either this or this ..." etc. But if you're bipolar, for example, those good things really won't make all the bad go away. I thought for years great jobs, prestige, money, love, etc would zap my depression. They didn't make a dent. The proper treatment (meds & therapy) helped immensely.

Please consider the possibility that you've not gotten the right treatment for you. I'd hate to see you in misery any longer than necessary.

I'm glad you're here & making contact with others. They're good people & will share generously.