This is a very good description of life.....for sure.....thank you for sharing.

Going through it, I realize that for the first 40 years of life, I was pretty much the Coffee, I was able to have enough enfluence to change things around me to make things better. It took alot of thought & imagination to have be able to have enough influence.

Then just after 40, I ended up in a position at work where I felt like a wild animal pushed into the corner of my office...every effort I made to change it was squarshed......I knew at that time, I would either end up fighting my way out or the corner or I would just fade away. Then the Northridge earthquake hit & the freeway & valley I had to go through to get to work took 6 hours just 1 way to get to work & the same time to get home. No time to sleep or eat or even live & I hated the job I was stuck with & they wouldn't let me move to the engineering job I would have been good at.

I completely lost it with horrible anxiety attacks to the point I couldn't function at all. Layed at home crying constantly, feeling like I had a complete breakdown......but had to definition of what I was going through. Insurance made me go to a psychologist & then had to go to a pdoc. From that point on, I never was coffee again. I went through suicidal problems for several years, then through horrible migraine pain for even more years....along with anorexia problems. The anorexia was caused by other problems, but ended up in the long run being about the only thing I could control.

I can't decide if I became carrots or eggs.....maybe a combination of both....depending on the circumstance. From the trauma I went through last year, I now have triggers that really set me off which cause actions like the egg....not willing to listen to anyone's excuses......but it seems like with every incident I have a different way of reacting.

Very interesting post & thank you very much,
Debbie