Guys, I'm at the end of my rope for the time being. I can over come this but I'm so far down in it right now.

I CAN'T COPE! I just feel I'm not doing an adequate job at my profession, my parenting and my home maintenance.

I try. I have plans in place, sticky notes to help remind me but I just don't act. I feel so weighted with burden and so bitter with failure. At times, I think it would be best to have my kids live with their dad. I DON'T WANT THAT!

I want to be able to deal. Most times, I feel like even my GP let's me down. I'm telling him I'm on the edge and he throws me an anti-depressant! I NEED A VALIUM!

I was never taught how to cope or handle life in general! I grew up in FILTH! I was left to watch a 6mth old at age 9 all day while my mom was at work. There was no routine, no cleaning, no working on homework. . Add the alcoholic boyfriend who add a splash of extra special dysfunction to my young life then there's my dad.

My dad is a 2 tour Vietnam survivor. I'm assuming he has PTSD too. He hated my mothers inability to clean, cook, organize which is why they divorced. So I saw him handle things! Fights with knives, screaming like jack Nicholson or Robert deniro in some Oscar winning drama!

Spit flying, item throwing, room wrecking, break whatever is in sight! My opinion is the only opinion and if you disagree I will hold you verbally hostage until you just shut up and agree dad!

Two extremes on polar opposites of the spectrum.

Then there's me! Soul broken! I see and understand how things should be but I can't take the correct actions to make it happen.

I'm patient, patient, patient but nothing gives! My day is just as hard today as it was yesterday!

I'm rambling a d can't make sense of what I'm posting while on my phone.

Thanks for those who listen and can understand! I don't want be ms Hyde!!!!!!