Sun angel--I so relate I am 37 and have been only on anti-depressants my whole life. I was diagnosed about 4 months ago and went into a psychosis was hospitalized twice. Well since then I am convinced and have tried to convince my pdoc that all i need is a ssri and a mood stabalizer. They won't do it b/c they are afraid that I will go back into mania. My point....I am starting to realize that I was always either severely irritable, euphoric, or in the winter debilitating depression. I am slowwwwwwwlllllly accepting it but it is difficult to say the least.