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Well, I got way better. After the carpet came out so nice, I was just so pleased. They got out stains I didn't think would come out. I love for my place to look nice. So it was just like getting "triggered" - only I got triggered into feeling REALLY GOOD. Once, a pdoc who had known me for years (I spent thousands on him) suddenly said, "Rose, I do think you're bipolar." That had never been my diagnosis. Always, my diagnosis had been "dysthymia." What had prompted him saying that was that I suddenly got extremely upset and inappropriately angry. It was like I just lost it. For six years I had been unfailingly polite to my pdoc.
I am kind of rambling here, but I do have a point. I was so low when I started this thread. As always, I felt like "This is finally the depression that I will never recover from."
Then I had to get physical and move furniture in prep for the carpet cleaning. Then my place looked so clean and nice. Then the past two days, I have been really "UP." Past two days were good, productive days - even though I have a lot of joint pain. It was so good to recover that quickly.
Then, this morning, I woke up feeling REALLY, REALLY GOOD. I had trouble concentrating on putting breakfast together because I was singing so enthusiastically and songs kept coming to me. And I was so UP. Now I'm trying to rein myself in so I am not just wasting time in an ebullient, disorganized fashion.
Thank you all, above, so much for caring. This post is to let you know that I'm sort of all-better. (for now) I guess the cycle rolls onward. How I feel when I am this up is, I believe, hypomanic. Bi-polar drugs don't do me any good.
My pdoc HAS referred me to a different clinic where I will get more intensive care. I will go for DBT treatment. (dialectical behavioral therapy) I was angry about being switched to a different clinic, but now I think it is for the best. Maybe the new pdoc, who won't be a resident-in-training, will understand me better.
I am so glad to feel better. I am so glad to have come here and found caring posts. I'm "UP" and feel like: I WILL NEVER BE DEPRESSED AGAIN - I GOT IT LICKED GOOD THIS TIME! Something's not right, though, even now as I feel good. Partly I'm hyped up because a family member called me last night and we spoke for over an hour.
I got to calm down - slow down. Got to get ready to go to the dentist.
Thank you all again.
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