Wepow said:
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My T once used the word "intimacy" with me. I thought I knew what it was. But yesterday showed me what intimacy was on a level of such total trust. He was there. He was with me. He could have done or said anything to me and I was in his hands. Something I promised myself at a very young age to NEVER again allow myself to be... vulnerable. But I did. I was without any defense. I was the child in the hands of one who had authority and power over who I was.
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This made me cry ... but in a good way. Intimacy is a huge issue with me, and what you describe here says it all. I think many of us (me, for sure) have a huge huge fear of being vulnerable like this.
I experienced a rupture with T where I was terribly hurt, and found that I was in a place emotionally where I had no defenses whatsoever. All I could do was say over and over again, "Please don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me." I was not in session at the time, so I don't know who I was saying it to - myself, I guess. Oh it was so awful! I can't remember ever feeling that powerless. There was nothing I could do but beg not to be hurt.
I would never have been able to feel this way if I hadn't opened myself up to him. We are now working through these feelings, and I only hope that some day I'll be able to experience what you did. It sounds sooo wonderful, and you were only able to experience it because you opened yourself up to it. And I know how hard you've worked on this - for years.
I'm so happy you had this experience. The healing is happening.
Wepow - you rock!!!
