I just have a small thought to add about forgiveness, I always had the idea that forgiveness was like some kind of gift to the person you are forgiving, as in it's about them, same with the forgetting.

Forgiveness to me is no longer about the other person. It is soley about myself. It isn't something I am giving or offering them. It is something I am giving to myself. I don't need to tell someone I have forgiven them, they don't even need to know about it in most cases. Alot of times the other person isn't the one walking around with all the feelings and attachment to the circumstances, but you are. I have really been able to forgive people for my past hurts looking at it this way.

For example my abusive father, I had to let go of the idea that he should be sorry, and want to be forgiven. I forgave him because it was freedom for myself. For whatever reasons he did what he did, I might never understand. If he would have apologized would it have been enough? Probably not, would his reasons made any difference on the outcome? Probably not. I never told him I forgave him and we didn't speak, he passed away. And I'm ok with that. I have forgiven and I have peace within myself. With forgiveness come freedom, from the feelings, of having to continue carrying them around with me. I can lay them to rest and move on. You don't so much forget but with time you slowly think about it less and less. And when you do think about it, there is alot less negative feelings about it, just sort of an aknowlegdement that it happened and more of a peaceful feeling.

Ok I'm sort of rambling now. Just the idea that forgiveness is an act towards ourselves, not necessarily an act towards others.