thanks guys for support very much.I understand that I must see a therapist.it is necessary.because it is very long time I feel this way about 7 years.but if I see a T my family will know. don't know why It is considered you are almost mad when you see a T in my family.It will be tragedy for my mom.I can't let her to become so unhappy.SO HOWEVER SEEING A T.IS MY DREAM IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME.DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.MY DEPRESSION IS SO DEEP THAT WHATEVER i DO IT HELPS TEMPRORARLY.
Vanessa you are wright baby will give a meaning to my life but I am not married and not ready for it(however I want).
terrible feeling.thank you all for reading and supporting me.