(((((nacht)))))

Are you currently on any medication right now? It sounds like you're going through a manic episode, with some psychotic symptoms...stuff that can't really be sorted out without proper medication.

Please don't underestimate the severity of suicidal thoughts. My worst suicide attempt was during a severe manic episode, when I was psychotic. You don't have to be depressed to attempt suicide. I hope that, if you DO feel suicidal, that you'll go to the hospital ASAP. They can help you out.