Silent, I wasn't able to go through a session without long gaps of silence for a YEAR. But my T sat there, and waited.

At times it might be easier to talk about why you can't talk. Why are you afraid to talk? As my T would say, "What do you think will happen?" What do you imagine? If these things feel safe to talk about it, maybe you can just stay there, outside of the things you need to say, for a little while, and talk about what's getting in the way.

In my case, talking about the things that kept me silent made me WANT to be less silent, even if it felt impossible. I had this voice in my head that criticized and viciously attacked everything I wanted to say as stupid and not useful, but at some point, the voice that wanted to say these things got stronger the more I talked about the critical voice. I started resenting the critical voice and how much time it was hogging up. It felt ridiculous to talk about all its criticisms and not talk about the things it was criticizing. It felt empty to sit across from this guy once a week for so many months and having him not know so much about me, even if half of me thought that there was nothing interesting to know about me. This was a struggle I really needed to have with myself.

One day, I came in and told him that I had made the blouse I was wearing out of an old shirt, by hand. Even that felt risky for me, for personal reasons I won't go into. He gave a very warm smile -- something I get all the time now, but was rare then -- and I guess maybe it was a preview of how good things could be if I told him something risky and he got it... like I had proved my critical voice wrong. That little accepting gesture meant a lot, and it was the first session where I talked the entire way through. Over a year after I'd first started.

Be patient with yourself. If your T is any good at all, she isn't going to leave you. Think of her as waiting patiently in hopes of meeting the real you. It's ok if it takes time.