I feel in a much better space right now partly due to taking a Beta Blocker, but also a group mindfulness session I have just returned from. My head is no longer spinning, it is clearer and more logical and T doesn't seem such an ogre -

I wish I could take more risks with T, I think that would even "kill" or cure the deliberation. How am I to find out about us as a fit if I don't test it a little?

Yes maybe I will set myself a goal as checking things out with him more, asking him more questions when I don't understand what he is saying / doing.

Phew!! It is so good to feel calmer again.