i am 24 years old and my boyfriend is 26. We went to middle school and High school together and never once got together despite me having a crush on him . First off i was with his friend on and off for 3 years, our relationship was very dramatic and i eventually broke it off for good because i knew it wasnt right for either of us. about 5 months later my boyfriend( right now) and i saw each other randomly and hooked up. From then on we started seeing each other but kept it a secret from everyone from October till February in hopes of not hurting my ex. This created a problem between him and i because i eventually started to get wierded out and started thinking why are we hiding this relationship still if we both want to be with eachother? For that reason our relationship moved very slowly.
I always had this feeling in my gut that there was somthing wrong but i guess i didnt want to beleive it. I really wanted to have a trusting honest relationship with him because my past relationships were both very jealous and i didnt at all want that. There were a couple incidences that rose my suspicion but i for some reason never got my questions answered so i just brushed it off my shoulder. His ex was always in the back of my mind for some wierd reason. they were together for 5 years and i heard things and saw things that made me get insecure but i didnt have any concrete evidence. I should have trusted my instincts. He always had his phone on him and always had to be in my presence if i were to use his computer. I never checked his phone or computer but one night while he was in the shower i felt like i was going to find somthing. I quickly scrolled down his calls, nothing. Then i went to the texts scrolled down and came to this number not saved saying " beleive me im hurting more than you"... i saved that number in my phone and when he got out to go make dinner i called the number. I knew who it was going to be. His ex! at that point i grabbd all my things said a couple choice words and left.i texted her and she told me everything and even sent me emails. He was telling her he would leave me for her and he wanted to marry her. The worst part is i was moving in with him two weeks later. I had lost my job and my lease was up so we were going to take that step but thank god i found that out because who knows how long that would have gone on for. I moved to Denver two weeks ago to get away from it all. He wouldn't leave me a lone and kept saying how he loves me and wants to be with me only and blah blah blah. Since i got here we have been talking every day. I sound pathetic but i do still want to be with him. Hes saying that he will move here and is basically doing everything in his power to make me know that hes being truthful when he says he only wants me. I guess i just dont know what to do. i always was that type of person that would never be with someone who cheats. i think that is the worst thing to do to anyone and he did this the entire time we were with each other. I don't know what to do. I either need to cut all ties or forgive him and just take the risk long distance. I just really dont know if i can trust him again. Hes a great talker and i love him still after what he did to me. i have no one to talk to here and my family and friends wouldnt understand why i would even give him the time of day. I feel like im stuck in the same rut as i was in san diego and somthing needs to change.