My dx came as a relief. I was dx'd in the hospital based on years of history. I guess I have given the gift of honesty on my intake and told the truth for once. I had all seen psych people throughout college who would suggest bipolar and I would yell and storm out of the office and never return. So finally I accepted the fifth pdoc giving me the dx.

Bipolar is a tough one though. Sometimes I love having it and we get along great. But sometimes I just get defiant, not so much in denial but straight up defiant, refusing my meds, telling myself I'm better off without them etc.
that doesn't work for me yet, hopefully, wishfully one day down the road, but not today!