You May think you are over your issues with the rape, I am not a Dr. but I think you still have some things to deal with. Why the fascination with wanting to do drugs? So you don't have to think about or deal with all the other stuff in your life. Just a thought! You sound like a great person that has a lot to offer. Just stay away from the drugs they are not worth it I tried them all for you no need for you to go through it believe me it's not pretty!