I have read a few of the posts on this forum so I have an idea that anxiety is not too uncommon amongst BP sufferers. Mine is currently off the chart right now and I could do with some support and advice. I think that just writing on here is helping to focus my mind right now, so that's good.

I have to go to a dinner tonight with my husband and his colleagues for their annual Christmas meal/get together (can barely type it ). I didn't attend last year because I was in the throes of a manic/psychotic episode, but I'm a lot more stable this year and have received some great psychiatric care, which is ongoing. I wouldn't ever attend these sorts of things if I could help it, but as my H pointed out everyone else makes the effort and I'm sure many of the other spouses would also rather not be there. My husband is a medical doctor, and these do's tend to be quite stuffy and formal, and I find some of his colleagues quite intimidating, even rude. I can just about cope at the best of times but I've had the year from hell, plus most of them will know that I've been seeing a pdoc/ had mental health issues; they all work at the same hospital and I have been seen going to appointments with my doc. Not that this would unduly bother me usually, I am quite open with my friends about what I've been going through (a lot of which would be pretty hard to hide) and anyway, I wouldn't expect stigmatisation or prejudice from a group of doctors. But, these people are not my friends and I just hate the idea of everyone knowing. I'm not very good in groups at best, plus I'm dreading any questions of the "How have you been keeping? What have you been doing with your life since we last saw you?" ilk.

I have taken extra seroquel today in preparation for this evening (which I can do when the anxiety increases), but I'm also not sure whether this was the correct thing to do. My pdoc said I could if I felt super anxious or felt a panic attack coming on, but at the same time, he has also said that seroquel is good for anxiety in low doses. IDK. I'm just so fed up of this anxiety. The last social outing I went to when I felt like this, I actually developed severe facial ticks and had to keep holding my hands to various different parts of my face to try and control it!! I'm sorely tempted to have a drink or two before I go there to calm my nerves a bit, but also nor do I want to turn up reeking of alcohol or end up showing myself or my H up.

Christmas is a nightmare for me socially when I'm feeling this way, too many social expectations and pressures