TY so much FooZe!

Very helpful list - quite thought provoking.

If we all grouped to talk to him, he would most likely go into a rage, followed by bronchial spasms and a call to 911. That has been the pattern thus far, and after 3 of these episodes (wh/ include cardiac rhythm disruptions). . . I am in no hurry to set up #4.

That's a sure way to end a discussion.

There is no one who can talk to him, sadly.

I have been thinking about this situation a lot this week. I have no doubt he feels he has failed with his career, even tho he has a good job and is considered an expert in his field. But it is not his first choice for how to spend his days . . . he was at the top of his field in a different role and made a bad career move . . . and had to step back and go a different route in order to stay employed. Plus, his earning capacity was slashed at the point he should have been making the highest salary of his career. I know this was devastating to him.

His peers have retired now, with very handsome pensions and assets into the millions of dollars . . . He is angry; he knows I am disappointed. His career decisions affected my career path, too.

Sexually, I resent being bullied into pleasing him when I sure as heck am getting nothing out of the experience. No matter how gently, kindly or patiently I explain how this makes me feel, he gets mean-spirited. At some point, he will turn the conversation into personal comments about how I look (I have gained some weight but not like I am obese). I think part of his self esteem rests in seeing me look fabulous, wh/ makes him feel more valued.

He changed jobs about 9 years ago and got involved w/ a coworker 20 years his junior. To make a long story short, he embarrassed himself in public w/ his "friend" and whether it was an emotional affair or something else, it was a betrayal as far as I was concerned.

I sought counseling, but he would not go. I felt he had issues that needed to be addressed (his need to be A Star and on that Pedestal).

The kids, my family and friends - all adored him . . . I figured - life goes on . . . bump in the road. We had so much in common, I enjoyed his company . . . let's get past the recriminations and get on with life.

So yes, # 3 on the list fits very well.

But what do I do now?

I have basically found my own space . . . stay in my studio but he comes and finds me and harrangues on and on about how I am a hermit . . . won't "do things" with him . . .

We rarely go out b/c of his health issues. We can't take a walk together b/c he can't walk any distance. He finds it difficult to walk from a parking lot to a venue for a concert. I buy tickets and we have to give them away b/c he says he won't enjoy it (too loud or bad acoustics) or too crowded, too far to walk, etc. I rent a movie, he falls asleep. Yet, he turns the tables and says I am anti-social and a hermit.

I am at my wit's end and I feel very sad, b/c the person I am living with is not the man I married. I can cope w/ the health issues and physical limitations, but I don't appreciate the way I am being treated. I have tried overlooking it and staying off to myself, and that doesn't work. I have tried talking to him about how I feel, and that doesn't work. At this point, I just want peace in the household, but he won't allow that, either.

Leaving is not an option.

Coping strategies, anyone?