Is he on oxygen? How about some time at one of those diet rehab spa places, if he can get vacation time and if it fits your budget. like hilton head, I think they are still doing it. is he just hoping to croak soon or what? what has your therapist said? what do you imagine would happen if you said, "look, stop it; I will not put up with this any longer." or have you already? because it does seem you have considered everything. Edited: because the one thing you want, he won't do, and the one thing he wants, you won't do; sounds like the Ogden Nash romantic comedy from hell.