Hi Hankster!

No he is not on oxygen. I think he should be but his docs say no. I don't feel he is totally honest w/ his cardiologist b/c he wants to keep working so he paints a rosier picture about his stamina than it actually is. I went with him to several of his doc appts early on, and found myself wanting to contradict the info he was giving to his doc, so we decided it was best I didn't go.

He loves his work and doesn't want to give it up. He already has given up outdoor activities and not being able to do the brain-stuff would just kill him.

He was told the average life expectancy for someone w/ his severity of disease was 5 years - that was in 2009. However, he has done well with his meds and his implant (defib-pacemaker) and they are now saying he could have many years ahead. We are realistic (or at least, I am) that his activity level may worsen at any time and he could become wheelchair bound.

You would think he would want to be loving and kind to the person who is responsible for being his caretaker. At least, that is how I would want to react if the situation were reversed. I sure wouldn't want my caretaker to feel unappreciated.

Maybe he feels too secure, lol. "That woman will put up with anything!"

I am not currently in therapy. Been thru/ the issues of the past. My last session, my therapist said what would be most helpful at that point would be for hubby to get into therapy to learn some new coping skills and figure out some of his emotional triggers. But he refused to do that, so end of story.

The one thing I haven't done is get really emotional about any of this. I am not one to yell, scream, cry, throw things, etc. Maybe if I turned it on him and let him see a really good temper tantrum to demonstrate the level of my frustration, he would get the message.

However, the drama just isn't my style, plus it upsets the dog.

I have asked him what made him think he had the right to treat me so disrespectfully but he just turns it into something about himself.

We have a second home and I moved there, to make repairs on the house, for the summer . . . but he ended up there about 2/3 the summer - leaving only for a few days at a time and when he traveled (job related). I would have liked to have been alone. Nothing changed. He was short tempered and ill as a hornet with me and the kids (who came to visit at times).

The Hilton Head spa idea sounds great for ME! LOL Lose that extra 30 lbs. A lot of hubby's weight problem is water weight - he carries it all in his abdomen, wh/ is typical of CHF. Last time he was hospitalized, he lost 27 lbs of fluid. That got him down to within 13 lbs of his ideal weight. But then he gained it back - retaining fluid is part of his illness.

I don't know if he thinks he is gonna die soon. He did nearly die in 2009 - it was that bad. Then when he was told there was nothing that could be done but meds and possibly, a heart transplant, he seemed very resigned to a shortened life. But with the success of his meds and the implant, it appears he has hope for another decade or longer. He talks about things in terms of a future.

That gives me an idea. Maybe what I should ask him in a quiet moment is - how far does he see into the future - and does he see me with him? Maybe that would get him thinking about how uncomfortable it is living with him most of the time.

Thank you again for helping me think this one through, Hankster.