do we choose who we idealize?

i don't think i choose who i idealize, but maybe i do, i mean with the right person, i feel a special connection with them, they understand me, they are full of deep insight, i understand them, i cling to them... they consume my thoughts and share in everything. but do i choose who understands me? no you can't make anyone understand anything. but it is a choice to share so much with someone.

i read on someone elses board (not on psych central) that we choose who we idealize and we know we're doing it, and that is why we manipulate and lie to hide what we're doing. i think this person does not have a clue into understanding our disorder. how can they when they aren't one of us.