hi nicole.....i'm so sorry you've been having such a hard time. it's been almost a year since i si'd. it took a long time to stop for this long but it can be done. i still have an urge here and there. i try to remind myself that i will heal faster or better if i don't si. it's so hard sometimes though. i think that you are a very kind person. i hope that you feel better about things very soon..........kasva